I recently received an email from a woman who had read Dark Souls and said that her favourite movie was “Eat, Pray, Love”. She quoted a line from the film “Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.” She explained that she felt that after her relationship with her narcissistic ex she was ruined – temporarily – but now she was being transformed into someone better and healthier than she was before.
Many victims of sociopaths go through what can only be described as a transformation or a metamorphosis, whereby they decide to let go of their old self and negative beliefs that kept them stuck in relationship with such toxic personalities in the first place.
The problem is that when we first meet psychopaths, sociopaths or narcissists they appear to be so endearing and appealing it feels a bit like having a quick fix. We convince ourselves its love because they so carefully managed to con and manipulate us but its nothing more than a deadly addiction to something more sinister.
The psychopath mirrors our own positive qualities such as empathy and kindness then by ticking all the boxes, they are charismatic, charming and manage to shape shift and mould themselves into being anything we want them to be, prince charming, knight in shining armour, fill in the blanks. When we first meet them we are filled with the chemical rush that comes with having been pumped with lots of oxytocin that give us a temporary feel good factor.
We might have been attractive ourselves when we first meet these predators, but being the true fakes that they are everything they pump into is an illusion and we start to feel drained and tired, we may start to feel ill and look poorly. We start to realise how draining they are on our energy as they slowly drain us of our lifeforce.
The short-term benefits of having what appeared to be the “real stuff” in terms of both affection and love starts to disappear and we realise very soon we are being fed a load of old tripe.
Energetically, it feels in the beginning a bit like having a regular dose of Botox, which incidentally I have never felt inclined to try, and then finding out we can’t afford to have it anymore. After a while we look and feel ten times worse than we did before we started having it.
As we start to take on their projected unowned feelings we become a shadow of our former selves.
According to the British Medical journal I’d say that being with a psychopath isn’t much different from being addicted to having Botox injections.
Side Effects of Botox
Writing in the British Medical Journal, Dr. Misra warned: “Robust evidence for the action of botulinium toxin (BOTOX) on sensory neurones is lacking.”
He added that “Animal experiments have shown that botulinium toxin affects the transmission of afferent nerves” and that the toxin “has been shown to play a part in inhibiting the release of neurotransmitters.”
He pointed to a study published in 2001 that found 23% of patients seeking Botox treatment at a dermatology clinic had body dysmorphic disorder, and that psychotherapy was considered the more appropriate treatment for them than Botox injections.
Psychopaths are Deadly Toxins
Most victims or psychopaths would have been far better to have left their partners and sought psychotherapy than carried on having their fix of what can only be described as a deadly toxin. Psychopaths should be treated with caution and much like Botox they cause a paralysis in our brain chemistry which stops it from functioning properly. Just like Botox the long-term effects of the what appears to be a “miracle” when we first meet them and the effects that they have on our brain, nervous system, and muscles are as yet unknown. Like Botox, Psychopaths might make us feel good in the short term, but they are dangerous to our health.
Botox may appear to be relatively safe. However as I said Dark Souls. “If I were to offer you a glass with the label “poison” on it, would you drink it? Well, the answer lies in the disguise. You would likely drink it if you didn’t know what was in the bottle. Both personalities are masters of illusion and they can con anyone. So when you meet a Dark Soul, what you see on the outside label, or the bottle, is NOT what is inside. It’s only when you drink it that you find out its poison.”
Many victims are left feeling shadows of their former selves whilst the psychopath and narcissist is so pumped up with all the attention they are receiving from their victims they feel the opposite. My own ex always used to try to come back when I was at my strongest then try to wear me down.
Having witnessed first hand the impact it has on the physical and emotional wellbeing of the victims some are unrecognisable when they have been with these predators for so long. I looked terrible when I was at the tail end of the relationship, I was tired , ill and was a complete mess. He on the other hand looked the best he had done for years although usually this only last when they have a victim to prey on.
However there is good news. When you leave a psychopath its a bit like having a natural facelift. With good therapy and a bit of work on yourself you’ll look and feel ten years younger and start to be back to your authentic self. When people email me saying they have put on weight and don’t feel attractive or happy anymore I tell them to be patient and not to be so hard on themselves. One woman I knew who was married to an alcoholic for 20 years and finally left when her house was repossessed was unrecognisable when her husband finally left. No longer the dependant enabler, she is full of life and looks amazing.
To prove a point I have added a before and after picture of what I looked like in relationship with my psychopathic ex and now nearly 18 months on away from them. I looked a complete mess!
On a final note many victims say to me things looking back after the relationship like “I don’t know what I ever saw in them” “They are like a stranger” “I would have never chosen someone like that”.
Recently I found a picture of my psychopathic ex on the net and was shocked when I saw it. He was about 4 stone heavier than when we last met and his face was full of anger and rage. When I looked at his picture I just thought to myself that’s how you left me feeling and looking. A projected image of his authentic self. This wasn’t a man I fell in love with it was a total stranger, this was the man I should have had the foresight to recognise in the first place.
The man who had hidden himself so carefully, behind the mask.
Next time I have a relationship I want the real stuff. Something that doesn’t offer a quick fix or short term benefits. A relationship that doesn’t move so quickly that the the next thing you know your brain has become paralysed and you cannot think straight. One fix and your hooked.
Its called a healthy relationship. It was at that point that I realised no more Botox for me. Like the bottle of poison, no matter how carefully disguised the packaging is, I was cured of my addiction to fake botox forever.