Say Thank you to the Psychopath

Over the last few months I have been filling in the blanks of my relationship with the man I describe in the book called Dark Souls. It will be 2 Years in January 2012 since I have had no contact apart from being stalked occasionally and also found a few more shocking things about them since I wrote the book.

During this time I have been busy recouping some of my finances, writing my blog, doing the website and Youtube videos, getting myself a new part time job along with coaching and acupuncture work to pay off all the debts I was left with.

Along with all the practical things I have had to do that such as running a business, moving house and looking after a family along with more tedious things like constantly having to change email address phone numbers and so on I have remained resolute and firm and not given up.  Occasionally I thought I would fold and surrender under the pressure. I have also had to rebuilt my self esteem from the bottom up and totally changed the way I do relationships both with friends, family and colleauges.  I have learnt to set strong boundaries that may never have existed before and learn finally to say NO.

In some ways I am a different person to the person I was when I first met him. If someone had asked me how I could have had the strength and energy to get through all the challenges I have over the last two years, the moving, changing jobs, dealing with constant email hacking, stalking, working, looking after my two children I would have replied “I can NEVER  do it”  How wrong I was.

In some ways I’d like to think that as a result of what happened I am now a more stronger improved version of the woman I thought this man had fallen in love with. Despite the scars and the pain of what happened to me it has given me the strength to become wiser and stronger. Its because of that strength I have been inspired to write and help others too.

I am currently writing my second book which I hope to have finished by Spring 2012 (work permitting) about moving on which will fill in some of the gaps that were missing in the first book.  Itwill give more hope to victims of psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists. Hope that there is a better life at the end of the relationship, whether you have been dating them, married or grown up with them as family members.

Many people email me saying how will they ever get over the relationship? How will they ever get over the hurt and pain and the betrayal ? how will they ever trust again?. Time again victims berate themselves for having taken their disordered partners back into their lives in the hope they might change or of trying to understand them and then find that they are back to square one having to endure the pain all over again. They start to doubt their own sanity, question their own reality and underneath it all, deep down, they still want the Psychopath or sociopath to reciprocate by understanding how their callous actions affected us their victims. All of which is to no avail because the Psychopath can never see what they have done wrong because in their eyes they are perfect and you were just a target or a source of narcissistic supply.

Whenever I have what I call a down day I try to look at the positives. I meditate or play some upbeat music and remain thankful for all the positive things in my life.  For example the fact that I recently managed to take my son on holiday abroad and that I have a new part time job I really love along with my other work. I remind myself daily that I am healthy and happy.

In my darkest days I am constantly looking for ways to lift me up and inspire me and raise my vibration higher.  This inspires me to never be drawn back into the darkness ever again.

In my spare time I make dance music and composed a whole album called the Phoenix whilst I was writing Dark Souls . All of my music has no words but often when we hear words in a track it gives it a whole new meaning.

Today I found this tune which is by a band called VNV Nation which stands for Victory Not Vengeance. Often as targets or victims of psychopaths its hard not to become bitter and vengeful and to remain in a place of grace despite some of the DISgraceful things they do to us.

This track reminds us that despite everything sometimes it pays to remain in Gratitude even to Psychopath.

Whether or not the song had the same meaning when they wrote it I have no idea, but I know this will be my Anthem for the coming months whilst I finalise my second book.

For many of us its hard to find closure but the closure comes from within in a place in our hearts and our minds where we may not necessary “forgive and forget”  but we accept what’s happened.  However despite all the challenges perhaps if it were not for the Psychopath in our lives we would never be able to be inspired to be capable of doing some of the things we do because through our supposed weakness and vulnerability the psychopath leaves us with no choice but to either surrender or come back stronger than ever !  In my case I chose the latter.

Whether or not you think your psychopath or sociopath or toxic abuser is worthy of gratitute is really neither here nor there – because at the end of the day after we have healed its how we feel inside that counts.  Like the song says

“And if it seems to you,
That my words are undeserved,
I write this in gratitude,
For whatever good it serves.”

They may not deserve our gratitude and they will never understand or care what they did was wrong and the fact that they will never “get it” doesn’t matter really!

The fact that we DID “get it” and got rid of them does ! and for that we should be eternally grateful.

I hope you will enjoy it as much as I did.

The lyrics are below

Artist’s Website: http://www.vnvnation.com/

Lyrics:
It is not love,
If love is cold to touch.
It is not belief,
When there’s nothing there to trust.

Could not submit,
Would never bring myself to heel.
Determination grows,
As each truth’s revealed.

Torn and repaired,
Just to endure it all again,
Without a reason,
For my place in all this pain.

The well-concealed,
The scars they just compound,
Until there’s nothing left,
Of what was my former self.

My god,
Look at what we are now,
Without regret,
For all the things that we have done.

Thank you for all the doubts,
And for all the questioning,
For all the loneliness,
And for all the suffering.

For all the emptiness,
And the scars it left inside,
It inspired in me,
An impetus to fight.

For the conviction,
For the purpose found alone,
For the strength and courage,
That in me I’ve never known.

And if it seems to you,
That my words are undeserved,
I write this in gratitude,
For whatever good it serves.

Sometimes I wish,
That you could see me now,
In the rightful place,
Where I knew that I belonged.

Sometimes I wish,
That you might someday understand,
And close a chapter,
And lay to rest the past.

But nothing would change,
We make the best of what we have,
For we are measured,
By the actions of our lives

We bide our time,
Let the future unfold,
Like immortals,
In great legends to be told.

My god,
Look at what we are now,
Without regret,
For all the things that we have done.

Thank you for all the doubts,
And for all the questioning,
For all the loneliness,
And for all the suffering.

For all the emptiness,
And the scars it left inside,
It inspired in me,
An impetus to fight.

For the conviction,
For the purpose found alone,
For the strength and courage,
That in me I’ve never known.

To all who stood with me,
When we stood as one,
Thank you for guiding me,
For bringing me home.

And if it seems that I’m,
Obliged to say these words,
I write this in gratitude,
The least that you deserve.

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9 Comments

Filed under narcissistic supply, psychopath, psyhopaths, Sarah Strudwick, sociopath, toxic relationships

9 responses to “Say Thank you to the Psychopath

  1. Sarah, it’s true, what doesn’t break you makes you! In some ways these trials by fire make us stronger.

  2. Thank you Sarah. I needed to read this and listen to the song today, it came at the right point in my journey. Some will say that success is the best revenge, I would agree… and the fact is, successful people count their blessings. Thank you for your gifts Sarah.

  3. Excellent Sarah – yes my ex Spath has joined with some people who don’t like me – 10 years later – and they are gang-stalking and smearing me across the net. I refuse to read or respond or do the same about them. Absolutely refuse. I will let the spaths and their proxies spin themselves into the ground with their b.s. and lies about me. I live a decent life & wonderful children. That’s all I need.

  4. Thank you for your help. Clearly you have experienced a long on going situation. You have passed on a lifeline by writing about it. Dark Souls the book is a Bible. Looking forward to your. New book. Thank you again

  5. Newlife2011

    He did not make me stronger, he just reminded me of how strong ive always been.

    Thanks Sarah, I think your book is one I need to add to my list!

  6. Thanks for sharing your story. I feel after having dealt with a man, (CX) whom I believe is a sociopath that it is my obligation to bring awareness to those who have no idea that people like this are among us. Had i known, what I was dealing with, i would have done a lot of things differently. I will purchase your book. Thanks again. Be good to yourself.

  7. strongawoman

    Hear, hear…….thank you for this site and giving me a voice in the darkness. The very fact that I have walked away and ignored him is enough. That is such an achievement and something that will annoy him. Until the next victim…..poor thing

  8. Thank you so very much, Sarah! Im so grateful to you for all of your support, your wise council, your great writing,-everything., As you know both my adult daughters are Socio/Psychopaths, but I havent seen one in 19 years, and the other in 4 years, I have given up waiting for an apology fom either of them for the truly appalling things theyve done to me. These days, Im concentrating on healing myself, to my personal growth, to being grateful to my new adopted adult kids from Iran,Roya and Abbas,, who shower me with love, joy, and fun! I now have 6 sponsored children whom I help support, 3 in India, 2 in Colombia Venezuela, andone in Zambia, Africa.This gives me joy. I believe with all my heart that as we give to the world, the world gives to us,Ive had to give up my sick, sad twisted adult daughters, and give them to God.I REFUSE to keep on giving both emotionally and financially to people who care NOTHING for me! No more one sided relationships, with me giving and they taking!Im looking forward to buying your new book, Sarah. In 9 days David and I are haveing a Holiday in Malaysia,where my younger daughter was born in 1966. A long time ago! KL will be so different now, I wont recognise it!Lots of Love, Joy, and Peace from your soul sister, MaiaXXX

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