I was recently reading a great post by a colleague Claudia Moscovoci on psychopathic Stalkers which pointed out that we give them far too much importance.
In the article Claudia talks about her fear and would “recall moments during my childhood when I’d go to bed and my toys would create scary, large and looming shadows on the wall. The toys that seemed so benign during the day sometimes became frightening during the night.”
One thing I know from my own experiences of dealing with these types which I call Dark Souls is that they play on our insecurities and our fears. For example there was a time when I had what some would describe as psychic attacks. During this intense period I had posted an article on my website which was explaining one of my fears. Lets call it snakes just for the hell of it.
I am not scared of snakes but the article in question clearly told anyone who was reading it EXACTLY what my fear was.
What happened over a course of a couple of weeks were a lot of these creatures started manifesting in real-time. Eventually I had to overcome this fear otherwise I would have ended up in a nut house. In fact a friend came round one day and said how is it possible for so many ****** to appear in your house at one time. Once I started to realize that not only did these things have no power over me but that it was probably my focus on them that attracted them in the first place they miraculously disappeared. In fact I hardly ever see one in my house nowadays and even if I do I am not afraid any more.
Many psychopaths are stalkers, mine was no exception, but there comes a point at which many victims including myself become so traumatized and wrapped up in the kinds of things they are doing to is we start to imagine things that aren’t even there. We become so hyper vigilant that things that we would normally put down to rational explanation get accredited to the lovely psychopath. Eventually they become the sole focus of our attention and everything that appears to be odd or strange that happens out of the blue is attributed to them.
I remember a woman contacting me many months ago who believed that over 40 people were out to get her as a result of her psychopathic ex. No one has that much power and she had become so deluded she was bordering on schizophrenia. No amount of rational explaining to her would make her understand that this person did NOT have to power to do all the things she had imagined them nor the power to exert that much control over so many other people. Sadly it was all a figment of her imagination playing on her own fears which had become out of control. She had no facts to back up her theory it was all based on assumptions.
I have given lots of advice to others on stalking and taken the advice myself. Sometimes the things they do are real and for this reason we do have to pay attention to their actions and make sure we take action for example reporting them to the police and so on. But some things we think they are doing we just “assume”. If we are have not having contact with these people how can we assume what they are up to?
There is also an expression what we give out we get back. If we are constantly worrying about stalkers, trolls and so on coming into our experience there’s a good chance that’s exactly what we will get. In the past I had so many trolls on my support page I decided to close the whole thing down. The moment I stopped focusing on them they stopped hassling me. I might get the odd occasional troll and I rarely attract them now and if I do I am no longer triggered.
In the past before I got treated for PTSD I made mistakes and attributed some of the strange weird things that happened to me to my ex when in fact they weren’t him at all. Nowadays I am able to think more rationally and know which things he really does and which things are imaginary. I remember writing an article a while back on Dark Souls being Magicians. They are only magicians if we give them our power. In the article I wrote:
“So why on a conscious level, if you know the Dark Soul is fake, does it take you so long to recognise them for what they are? My belief is that they play on our fears and when there is no fear they have no power over you any more. You are able to walk away, do whatever you need to do on a practical level to protect yourself and stop letting them affect you.
My further suggestion is that like the Gothic magician you stop figuring out why these Dark Souls do what they do. See them as the magicians or fakes that they really are and stop letting them have any hold over you. Stop seeing them as some kind of wizard with special powers but rather a disordered sick individual who has nothing better to do than play tricks on people.
After all they only have a hold over you if you believe them. And the “magician” cannot be a magician if he knows his audience is aware how he does his tricks. The show is then over.”
On a practical level I’d suggest that people become more rational and less emotional when dealing with a stalker and also ensure they get treatment for PTSD otherwise like the woman I spoke to their own fears may become so out of proportion to what’s actually happening they will end up going literally going nuts. Rather than thinking that everything that happens to us is because the psychopath has done it, you look at things in a more non biased way. You think “maybe he did” and “maybe he didn’t”. If its something life threatening then of course report it to the authorities but you don’t want to end up looking over your shoulder at every turn and wondering when the imaginary monsters are going to show up that are out to get you because this is EXACTLY what the psychopath wants. Since many psychopaths are highly narcissistic fantasists much of what they want us to believe about them isn’t even try anyway. By imagining things and believing their hype we become almost as deluded as them.
Don’t play into!
I’ll be giving some practical tips on dealing with stalkers and trusting your own intuition so you can decipher fact from fiction in my new up and coming book.