Category Archives: In sheeps clothing

Something fishy is going on

It’s interesting how many people have seen the word psychopath/ sociopath floated around and yet they still don’t have a clue what one.  Chances are they have met one, or may have even been staring one  in the face at some point in their lives and yet  because they haven’t had “direct” experience of one that its “none of their business”   Its a bit like the three wise monkey Syndrome.
They may read books from targets of psychopaths like mine with an amount of intrigue and interest and feel a certain amount of empathy especially if they have been on the receiving end themselves.  Some may even say things like “she had it coming, why was she so stupid” and yet the general population are being manipulated by psychopaths every single day of the week without even knowing it!  The problem is that so many psychopaths have felt so invincible for so long they thought they could get away with things without anyone noticing.
Its only recently that the whole picture has finally fitted into place for me.
Years ago I used to work on the equivalent of Wall Street in London.  I worked for a small american firm of stockbrokers just at the height of the feel good period when analysts and brokers made six figure salaries and spent their extended lunch hours entertaining possible clients, plying them with drinks and recreational drugs like cocaine.

Before I even knew what the word psychopath meant, in those days  it was a case of “if you can’t beat them join them” and I certainly didn’t have any inclination to become an “arse kissing“ sheep.  With this kind of mentality the new “golden boy” boss who had been appointed above me didn’t like my attitude and took my decision to leave of my hands  by selectively making me redundant whilst I was pregnant.  That was over twenty years ago.  My gut feeling back then was he couldn’t be trusted and was just motivated by his own agenda. He was later fired in an overseas post for fraud.
It was during that time that I realised at least that the banking system was “broken” and that some people weren’t quite what they seemed.  Despite what happened I felt like I was given a gift of freedom and  decided to go and work for myself doing a totally different job taking out a loan and retraining as an acupuncturist.  I knew I would earn far less that I ever could in the banking industry by my conscience was clear and I was doing something worthwhile.  It resulted in my husband at the time leaving because I’d been the main breadwinner beforehand and he couldn’t understand why I wasn’t motivated by money.

Although I certainly wasn’t rich, It wasn’t until years later that I had the run in with Mr Dark Soul after building up a relatively comfortable life that  I had a “direct experience” that would affect my life emotionally and financially forever.

Today I was watching a film called “I am Fishead” with contributions by Robert Hare and Dr Babiak, both experts on psychopathy.  The film explores the correlation between psychopaths and those who have become almost sociopathic by enabling their behaviour.  It’s an excellent film and comes up with a few solutions including why we have become so apathetic.  It also explains why those who see evil around us now should speak up and say no and  mot stick our heads in the sand and pretend it doesn’t exist.  We all need to start taking responsibility for our own part in this psychopathic world that we live in were Wall Street bankers and the like have robbed millions of people of their hard-earned cash and homes and where corruption thrives in the system like a virus.

It goes on to say that “its our job to help amplify your silent voice and its your job to take action and say this is wrong!….So imagine that the most charismatic handsome person looks you in the eye and says you can “save the world” … The advantage of being in a “herd” is that when as few as 5-6 per cent the population becomes aware of danger nearly EVERYONE becomes aware. How close are we to the 5-6 per cent and what will YOU do?”

Many victims of psychopaths and sociopaths have kept silent for far too long.  Those like myself who decided to speak up and educate people about them haven’t done it because it was fun or to get revenge on our exes.  On the contrary, the amount of headache I have had by merely putting up the website and dealing with stalking from my psychopathic ex alone would be  enough to put anyone off wanting to even bother writing a book in the first place. Let alone finding time to do posts in my spare time when I am not working to pay off the bills I was left with.

What motivated me to write these posts and the book and get the message out is to same as it was back then.  I remember someone asking me why I wrote it.  I said “If I can help half a dozen women not have to go through what I went through, I’ll have done my bit”. Maybe not much in some people’s eyes but  imagine those half a dozen women educating another half a dozen and so on.  It’s because of that ripple effect that people like myself and others continue to plod along writing our posts and writing even more books about our experiences with sociopaths and psychopaths that eventually the word will spread amongst the mass population.

After all if people dont know what they are dealing with how can they deal with it?

Evil really does exist but what can we do about it?

Along the theme of “I am Fishhead” There are many people like myself “doing their bit” but I think the time has come for more conscious people to start working together and upping the volume so that the masses start to hear what we have been saying and find a solution. Those who do bad things need to start getting exposed and we need to stop enabling their behaviour.

Psychopaths can be found anywhere and as more and more people take responsibility that the 5 or 6 per cent who become aware increases as they  expose things such as corruption in governments, banking systems, corrupt religion leaders and so on .  The more all of us do this and band together , the more things can change.

Just because you haven’t had the misfortune of actually sleeping with the devil doesn’t mean you’re not having an indirect relationship of sorts with a psychopath right at this very moment .  Millions are being indirectly screwed right before their very eyes!  This is a direct experience  that will have a lasting impact for the rest of your lives  and generations to come.
People who are now starting to realise that they are already having a “direct” experience with at least one psychopath in their lives either through the banking system or through their workplace environment and its only a matter of time before it will become “their business” too when the world economy collapses  and not necessarily because they were “stupid” enough to fall in love with one or get into bed with them.

It’s then that everyone will start screaming “wolf”

People are becoming more aware but as George Simon who wrote “In sheeps Clothing” said in an interview he did about those lacking in conscience

“Sarah, if I might interrupt. Take heart, take heart. This is why we will necessarily wake up. The only question is how late it will be but this is why we will necessarily wake up . There is a most disturbing mega trend.  It’s worldwide, in free societies . The trend is that the responsibility hoisted upon the backs of those who are already responsible grows exponentially daily.

People who are relative neurotic, conscientious, and take their responsibilities seriously are asked to do more and more to make it all work every day. Those who do not take responsibility get away with more and have less actual responsibility placed on them every single day. This trend cannot continue ! It will not continue. Nature has built-in safeguards against that kind of thing happening for very long. At some point the people who are carrying the world on their shoulders will say, Enough. They will say that. And they will say about those who will not take any responsibility, they will insist that they finally step up do their fair share. It will happen. The question is, the only question is, how bad is it gonna have to get before that happens? “

Those of us “in the know” have known something was really fishy for a while now and yet up until recently no one really gave a damn because the smell wasn’t right on their doorstep!  My suggestion is that you have a look at “I am fishhead” and pass along and share before things start to get really stinky.

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Filed under character disturbance, dr robert hare, George Simon, I am fishhead, In sheeps clothing, psychopath, psychopathic cartoons, psyhopaths, sociopath

Repairing the Broken Mirror in Ourselves

Looking in the Mirror

One of the things I talk about in Dark Souls is the need for victims to look within themselves at the reasons why they attracted psychopaths or narcissists into their lives. Many books talk about how to spot them but few talk about why psychopaths may target certain types of people more than others.

At the moment there is a big shift in consciousness whereby psychopathic corporations are being exposed all over the world. Conscious, empathic, aware individuals are finally starting to wake up to the reality that a small minority of psychopaths really do run the majority of the planet. One thing is clear though – its through our own collective “enabling” of these psychopathic individuals that we have managed to end up in the position whereby our savings, houses are livelihoods are now in jeopardy.

Any kind of psychopathic organisation is unable to spin their web of lies without a willing group of followers who are able to make it all believable.

When it comes to a one on one relationship with a psychopath it becomes a more personal affair but it is also there to  mirror something deep in our own psyche that we may not wish to look at. Often we will hear of stories where people have been in relationship with these predators and its taken years before anyone if ever believes the victims. The psychopath has managed to con an manipulate so many people around them for so long they convince others that the target is insane or crazy.

Someone once said to me many years ago that when someone doesn’t give us what we want or need in our lives it’s the universes’ way of clearly saying that we no longer need that person in our lives anymore and making way for something better to come along.

We all want to see the good in people and when we spot the red flags we know deep down that the psychopath or sociopath is not all they are cracked up to be. We know that image they are portraying in the mirror is flawed but we want to make it all right. The distorted projected image that they reflect back to us is that of someone who is kind, empathic, loving, hard-working (fill in the blanks). However,  underneath the mask the psychopathic personality inherently flawed without ANY of these characteristics.

So why are our own mirror images of ourselves flawed and  what it is about ourselves that is attracted to them in the first place?

Many (not all) of the people who have contacted me for coaching or read my book Dark Souls come from a background of abuse and neglect of their own emotional needs.  They come with an unconscious feeling that they may not be worthy of being loved by another kind, loving person. The hook between the psychopath and the empathic person is that we see something in them that is inherently flawed in them, but at the same time is inherently flawed in us. I am not necessary talking about victims all suffering from Narcissistic personality disorder since many of the people who have contacted me have grown up with parents who are narcissists but have also spent their lives trying not to be like them but this “flaw” is often inherently wired in our systems as a result of our upbringing and projections from parents or spouses and its one of the hooks that psychopaths love.   An example of this is that we may be inherently bad, worthless, (fill in the blanks) all of which is totally unconscious and none of which is true.

What better way for a psychopath to get someone sucked in that, in their eyes, they see as the same as them.  In the eyes of the psychopaths eye they believe they have met their match. A mirror image of themselves. They see all the other things about us “the good bits” as being things they want in themselves! The irony is that when they meet us they soon start to realise that they have none of our other characteristics, kindness, empathy, ability to work hard, having a conscious and so on because they are just hard-wired to win and abuse people. This is when they start to get angry and want to punish us for being something they can never be.

When they realise that we aren’t evil or “like them” and can’t help them out or have run out of things they can steal off us which is why so many psychopathic corporations thrive based on them working together they see this as a flaw and use this against us to try to exert power and control over us so they can win.  As Dr George Simon puts it.

“You win I win, You lose I win, I win You Lose
and finally I lose, You Lose”

Whis is the main reason they try to hurt us so badly when we stand up to them or walk away.

Why we end up helping each other

When the relationship is over, we as targets, end up realising that these psychopathic predators are not what they seem either, and that their image of themselves is cracked and flawed as our own. We reason that there is no good in there that we so wanted to believe in and realise that all of the other faulty characteristics we believed about ourselves such as not being worthy of having kind loving relationships are all wrong. When we are prepared to look at our own flaws we are able to repair that broken mirror that was flawed in the first place and bring back the shine we once had before we were tainted by these psychopathic characters.

In some ways it’s a bit like a symbiotic relationship the same as it was when it was toxic. The psychopath in our lives is there to help us to be authentic and expose our own vulnerabilities and teach us to be who we really are. We learn how to become our true selves and how to love ourselves properly.  What they give us is a gift of authenticity.

We are then obliged to do give the same gift back to the psychopath. Like the psychopth who studies us, using our weaknesses against us, we educate ourselves, learn about their disorder and we end up dumping or leaving the psychopath/narcissist or Sociopath in our lives. Each one of us reflecting back that part of us in ourselves which no longer serves us.

The psychopath is then left having to be their real authentic selves too i.e. a dark empty shell. They are left with a reflection of themselves they no longer like which is why they will never look in the mirror or change themselves. They will never look at their own flaws and will continue to spend a lifetime searching for more shiny mirrors in the hope that we’ll reflect something back to them that was never there in the first place.

I leave you with a poem I wrote to my ex a few years when he was supposed to have cancer which turned out to just one of his many lies. I realise now I was writing it to myself and that the cancer is an analogy for the Dark Souls in our lives.

“The Mirror

 

tis another year on and our dreams are all shattered
All that we hoped for and all that had mattered
my eyes are still sore from crying rose-coloured tears
you now face your own demons as i have faced my own fears
that cancers a fu**er it will keep on returning
if you don’t pull out its root that lies in your heart yearning
I’m not talking about me or some lover or wife
I am talking about you, what you want in your life
its much easier to forget to just get on and do
numbs the brain and the senses and our soul too
so i found you a mirror that was special and good
it was tucked in the cellar and carved in oak wood
its hidden for years in a dusty old room
it holds answers to secrets you never dreamed could
when you look in the mirror tell me what do you see
is it you, or you children, your wife, or is it me
I think none of the above because the view isn’t clear
it’s just smeared with anger and guilt and fear
pull the cloth from your pocket and start to erase
all the smears on the mirror and start clearing the haze
as you wipe away layers of dirt built over time
you will fight back the tears as you clean off the grime
Your fingers are hurting your can’t rub anymore
you’ll leave it for now there’s a knock at the door
Oh “I’ll deal with it later” you say to yourself
no one cares about that old mirror put it back on the shelf
but you can’t do that ***** its too special to leave
the woods starting to rot and it needs air to breath
the mirror is tarnished you must do it in time
it takes forever to polish and bring back the shine
then you will look in the mirror it will all become clear
with each rub of the cloth you have faced all your fear
As you look in the mirror you see only YOU
no kids, no lover, no wife – my god what will you do
Say hello to yourself for the first time in years
don’t mess up the mirror again with your tears
it’s a special mirror that needs nurture and care as do you
if you look after it well it will be honest and true
it will reflect all your dreams and hopes and fears
but the maintenance polish is not your own tears
its only small ***** not much bigger than a locket
if you keep it with you always it will fit in your pocket
just remember to look after it as I try to do
and it will always be kind to you and let you be YOU

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Filed under character disturbance, dark souls, empaths, George Simon, In sheeps clothing, predatory aggressive personalities, psychopath, psychopathic personality, psyhopaths, Sarah Strudwick, sociopath, toxic relationships

Prophet or Predator?

Some of the longstanding and commonly accepted explanations we’ve been given about human nature are simply wrong. Worse, believing them leaves us vulnerable — both individually and as a society — to the manipulations of predators among us. And there are predators among us. They are not “sick.” They are just disturbingly different and unfathomably dangerous.

Photo by xvaughanx - http://flic.kr/p/6Pwp9y
Photo by xvaughanx – http://flic.kr/p/6Pwp9y

Recently, a jury in Texas convicted Warren Jeffs of the systematic rape and abuse of several young girls as young as 12 and sentenced him to life in prison. We may never know the full extent of his victimization or how young some of his victims might have been. One of his victims, who also happens to be his niece, has asserted to the press that Jeffs is exactly where he needs to be. Otherwise, he would still not only be on the prowl, but also most likely successfully garnering more victims.

Jeffs is regarded by some as a “prophet” in the extreme polygamist offshoot of the Mormons known as the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints. Devoted followers believe his will reigns supreme and is to be unquestionably obeyed. And some were even willing to joyfully offer their young daughters to him for a supposedly God-inspired “spiritual” marriage.

When my first book In Sheep’s Clothing [Amazon-US | Amazon-UK] debuted nearly 16 years ago, some of the assertions I made about the most manipulative of characters were not only shocking and ground-breaking, but also regarded by some as theoretical heresy. There are people, I argued, who are not really who they purport to be. They’re not obvious bearers of any unconscious malevolent or unseemly intent. Rather, they are intelligent, deliberate, crafty predators who know well the vulnerabilities most folks possess, and are adept at manipulating the impressions others have of them as well as their behavior. Some of these individuals have such a malignant sense of superiority over others and such an emotional disconnection from the human race that they regard other, inferior human beings as rightful prey. Hence, I gave these folks, sometimes alternately labeled sociopathic or psychopathic, the label predatory aggressive personalities. I wasn’t the first to take notice of these perplexing individuals, but I was among the very few to challenge many of the traditional assumptions about what makes them the way they are. In my current book, Character Disturbance [Amazon-US | Amazon-UK], I examine these and other problematic personalities in even greater depth.

If you happen to be an adult fixated pedophile (i.e., someone with an unrelenting and/or exclusive sexual attraction to pre-pubescent — or in the case of ephebophilia, near and just post-pubescent — children), you undoubtedly know you can’t simply arrange time alone to “hook-up” with the objects of your desires in the same manner that adults and teens secure “dates.” Instead, unless you want to resort to abduction (as some have), you have to keep your true intentions carefully veiled, come up with a variety of clever schemes just to gain access, and craft an incredible arsenal of far-fetched yet believable lies that will convince others and your intended victims to let you have your way. And there isn’t one thing Warren Jeffs did that many psychopaths and/or predatory pedophiles haven’t done before him. Jeffs’ niece believed him when he told her she was “special” and that what was taking place between them needed to be kept secret. He was an authority figure who appeared to care for her and to be trustworthy and who also brought ready words of comfort and acceptance to a young person searching for validation. His niece’s retrospective account indicates he was already quite skilled at manipulating his intended child targets long before he put on the cloak of religious prophet. But he eventually hid his true nature behind the most powerful manipulative tool ever devised, the word of God, to convince trusting, yet spiritually thirsty souls that he had been given exclusive access to the waters of redemption they sought. Still, his actions prompt the question of why, in this day and age — when so many authors have now broadcast the same message about predators that many found unbelievable and unacceptable 16 years ago — there are still plenty of folks out there who succumb to this vile type of victimization. I think the reasons are primarily threefold:

  • predators are often extremely good at their manipulative craft;
  • the legacy of traditional and still dominant psychology metaphors — such as that most behaviors are unconscious, everyone tends to be loving and caring unless scarred by past abuse or neglect, etc. — often sets us up to form incorrect impressions about some people;
  • and it’s extremely painful (and therefor prompts “denial”) to think that there really are heartless, conniving predators out there who are very different on every level from most of us.

As long as I am able, I will continue the drumbeat I sounded many years ago. There are predators among us. There’s something qualitatively different about them. They use powerful tactics (some of which can be extremely convincing) to make you abandon your natural fearful instincts about them and allow yourself eventually to become captive. The proof of my assertions about their true nature often comes to light when the jig is up for them. It happened with Phillip Garrido when he was finally convicted for abducting Jaycee Duggard. (He also initially appeared to have some unusual religious beliefs motivating him but gave up the ruse upon conviction.) I predict it will also happen with Jeffs. But whatever happens, we simply have to do a better job of recognizing and reckoning with the predators among us. We have to overcome our reluctance to accepting the seemingly unacceptable, and we have to set aside some of the longstanding and commonly accepted explanations we’ve been given about human nature that set us up to misunderstand them. They are not “sick,” just disturbingly different and unfathomably dangerous.

Many are now coming to believe that there simply is no possibility of change for a psychopath or sociopath. And while this belief is rooted in some truth, I still can’t help but wonder what would happen if we were to so firmly “cast the beam out of our eye” that the “prophet” some still see in a creature like Jeffs would be revealed as no more than the heartless predator he really is.

 

George Simon

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Filed under character disturbance, In sheeps clothing, pedophiles, predators, psychopath, sociopath