Category Archives: projection

One big Lie – The mantra of the Psychopath

After reading Claudia Moscovoci’s excellent article this morning on “Why Psychopaths lie” I decided to do an article explaining the crazy making ways in which psychopaths lie and manipulate their victims. There’s an expression made famous by Bill Clinton when he was asked if he had sex with Monica Lewinsky and he replied “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” Then was then a pause to which he then went on to say “Monica Lewinsky, I never told anyone to lie” and then changed the subject completely to divert from the original question.

Most people would have taken what he has said as the truth but he wasn’t answering the question directly. Interesting enough I have always had my own opinions about Bill Clinton but I read with interest and an article where someone described Clinton as an adaptive psychopath

“He is not real. Efron writes of the fragment of stone at the bottom of Stephanopolous’ kaleidoscope — reflecting in a unique way, showing a different facet to each person as Clinton turns. This is a metaphor for the elusive “real Clinton;” but, in truth, there is no real Clinton that we could possibly comprehend. That little fragment is so alien that it might as well not exist in our universe. At the core of this man, Clinton, where the soul is supposed to be, there is, instead, a gaping void. A black hole. The Sun King exists only as the irresistible gravitational pull he exerts on others and the dying light — the catastrophic annihilation — of everyone and everything that strays too close to his event horizon. Within, there is an unknowable emptiness.”

An interesting analogy as I described these characters as being Darks Souls giving a similar example of Black holes in my book. I believe the unknowing emptyiness lacking in themselves is one of the reasons that psychopaths target people who have something unique to offer them so they can literally steal it from us.

Lying by Omission

Below are a couple of real examples on how psychopaths might lie when faced with a direct question. When I was dating my ex he would usually look very uncomfortable when faced with a question that he wanted to avoid.

During the time we were together he had left his wife and admitted to being in a lot of debt. I have two children myself and so does he and I was concerned that he would be a good parent and support his own children. He told me that he had left his wife and that he was paying his children’s school fees. When I sensed he wasn’t telling the truth I got a sensation in throat that something didn’t feel right so I said to him “are you sure” . Acting defensively he said well “if you don’t believe me have a look at this” and produced a letter from the school with a direct debit slip attached. I never once thought to ask to see his bank statements to see if the payments were actually coming out of his bank account. The problem is that we want to believe people but when it comes to psychopaths we must never assume anything.

On another occasion he had been offered a brand new job with a big corporation and was on a training event for a couple of weeks. It meant him staying at a hotel for two weeks. I knew the name of this new company he was working for and yet still I had this uneasy feeling that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. I asked what hotel he was staying in and he said it was a hotel in Swindon called “Holiday Inn”. I even called up the company without telling him and asked if they had a reservation for him to which they said no. I then called the company where he supposedly worked. I was told by the company that they didn’t recognise his name but they did have a Mr “Smith” working there. I asked if they booked training directly with the hotel as he’d told me the company where paying for his hotel expenses for the two weeks he was there and they said unless he was a senior manager company policy was for people to pay for their own hotels and then claim the expenses back. As he was already living in a property I had and supposed to be paying rent I couldn’t understand why he would want to pay for a hotel and have additional cost especially as he was supposed to be in debt.

By this time I was very suspicious and he did his usual acting defensively and said if you don’t believe that I am staying in “a” hotel come down. I called his bluff and I drove nearly 200 miles that night. As I was about to leave the motorway I got a call from him saying he hoped I had a good sense of humour and that he got the name of the hotel muddled up and that he wasn’t staying at the “Holiday Inn” but he was in fact staying at the Days Inn instead. In fact he even laughed and say something like “Oh my days” I am so sorry I did that, I’ll make it up to you when you get here.

When I arrived angry and flustered I wanted to ask the receptionist if he has stayed there the two weeks prior and she replied yes but put her head down. Because he was all nice and happy when I arrived he was trying to distract me. In hind site I realise that the receptionist would have the interests and confidentialy of her client and would have said anything. There was no invoice and no proof he had stayed there.

It turned out that the job he had was non-existent and that it just so happened he’d chosen to clone himself for a high position job at a company where there just happened to be a person working there in the department he was supposed to be in with the same surname as him.

When I finally uncovered all of the lies nothing he had told me was true.

These are just a few examples of how he and other psychopaths like him lie. I think one of the best examples was finding him on a modelling site. This was the very first time I realised I was dealing with a pathological  liar and which was what led me to finding out all of the above and researching people with personality disorders.

My ex Dark Soul had pictures of himself dressed up in a kilt and photos of himself cut and pasted out of his wedding pictures. He was offering his services as a male model providing walk on prince Charlie parts. When I asked him why he was on the site he said he had no aspirations to be a model or actor and that “I was making it up and it was all my imagination”. I checked and within hours google had taken the page off. He must have deleted his profile. What he didn’t realise is that Google caches pages and leaves an imprint for nearly 3 months even if the page no longer exists so long as the image is still on the server. I told him and he then said “Well someone must have put it on there for a laugh, perhaps my mum or wife did it”. Having had two children myself who has been to a modelling agency when they were small I thought that you need to prove who you are so I called up the model agency and asked them. I said “Is it possible for someone to put up someone else’s pictures without their permission?” They replied “No everyone on the site has to send in a photocopy of their passport details”.

By this time my ex was very defensive and angry and this was the start of uncovering what can only be described as a catalogue of lies and deceit ranging from having a non-existent jobs for over 2 years, to lying about having cancer, to putting himself on multiple sex sites and being a sperm donor just to mention a few.  He promptly an email to a non existent email address on the modelling site and copied me in asking why he was on the website.  What followed after confronting him with the details of his modelling advert was a root kit was dumped on my computer via the email hed copied me on on which which wiped off my PC and the rest is history.

I realised that the whole relationship was one big performance from start to finish.


The problem with liars whether they are psychopaths or not is that normal human beings feel bad when they lie. Psychopaths do not. To tell a lie takes up energy. When you tell one lie you have to cover it up with another one. This is where having a conscience is a real bummer. My children always make fun of me and say “Mum you are rubbish at lying”, even when it comes down to small things. I feel bad if I lie and can’t even lie about simple things like telling my kids I have nothing planned for the year when secretly I have planned a holiday. If I have had a bad day it shows on my face. I am an open book.

The only energy psychopaths use is to control and win. So expending energy into concocting a load of cods wallop is like water off a ducks back for them. Psychopaths are like puppets and can only “imitate” real emotions. They cannot experience them or feel real emotions or happiness, which is one of the reasons they are so attracted to victims like us because in reality they just want to be like us and know that they cannot. It’s also why they spend so much time preying and feeding off of our energy and good nature like vampires. Without victims they would die and end up the projected images of themselves they so wish to hide from everyone else. Everything about them is a mask and many victims say that their narcissistic ex or psychopath is a complete mess months after a breakup until of course they have their next energetic and economic feeding frenzy off their next victim.

Its all a big act

When it comes to convincing acting just Hollywood actor playing an oscar award winning role and your totally sucked into a story of the character they play.

Since we are already sucked into the psychopathic narcissists superficial glibness and charm and acting skills and the way in which the manage to convince they have genuine feelings. It comes as no surprise that they are able to lie and deceive us with the same dexterity.

Next time you see or hear something that doesn’t quite add up. Chances are it really doesn’t add up at all. Your internal radar is there for a reason screaming out to you with cognitive dissonance that something is wrong. A bit like the Bill Clinton story where everyone heard the words but no one really believed him.

Trusting our primal instincts

I have read a few times that when we first meet a psychopath the hairs on our neck stand up. It’s our animal instinct warning us to stay away from these people who some people choose to ignore. People have spent years convincing ourselves we are higher dimensional beings but underneath we are also animals, prey and predator. It’s through thousands of years of deprogramming our authentic selves that we have ended up putting ourselves at risk by ignoring one of the biggest lies in history. We may well have been prey to these psychopaths but evolution is starting to teach us that we need to listen to our animal instincts and not have to be part of their game any more.  The more we evolve as conscious human individuals the more we can spot and expose these predators.

When I first met my ex I got this feeling of the hairs on my neck and confused it with sexual chemistry. Five years later and I was so far pumped up with oxytocin and lies I was hooked. Hopefully next time your psychopathic starts looking you squarely in the face with a bare-faced lie whether it be your partner, boss or co-worker.  I hope that  you’ll start to recall and remember that feeling too and run away as fast as you can and not be prey to them any longer.

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Filed under claudia moscovici, dark souls, liars, projection, psychopath, psyhopaths, Sarah Strudwick

Why we end up as crazy as the psychopath

I recently came across a review on Amazon about Dark Souls suggesting that I showed many of the personality disorder traits that I talk about in the book. I have also been criticised for the way the book is disjointed and unorganised. In some ways it’s a reflection of the way in which my mind was at the time the relationship ended. A few months after publishing I was re-treated for post traumatic stress. Often post traumatic stress doesn’t appear immediately and can come up when you least expect it. At the time of writing Dark Souls I felt as if I was on a mission to make sure that no one would ever have to go through what I had. Perhaps in hind site I should have taken more time to recover before writing the book and exposing myself in such an open and honest way.

When I first read the review I wasn’t upset I was actually in agreement. Because at the time I was feeling crazy. In the past based on my old belief systems I would have honestly took myself back the counsellor and said “Am I crazy” only to be told yet again that there was nothing wrong with me.

When we stay with these people we are left feeling and often acting pretty much as crazy as the people we have been in relationship with. Many psychopaths find victims and targets who are empaths. Empaths tend to have no boundaries whatsoever and without knowing what’s happening to us we may be inclined to literally take on their unowned feelings and start to think they are our own. I have had many emails from women and men saying that during the relationship they have done things they would have never done before. Often they will act totally out of character.

For example my natural state is quite calm and placid and yet whilst I was with this man I was very angry. At one point during the relationship I think I actually felt rage and yet I have never felt this kind of emotion in my life. Yet the moment I was away from him for any length of time that anger soon disappeared. Having left him now for over 18 months I am happy, calm and have none of the feelings I described in Dark Souls that I had whilst I was with him. I no longer feel the need to act out in ways I would have done in the past.

I am also reliably informed that I do not have any personality disorder by my counsellor just a history of being around far too many disordered people throughout my life that led me to a very unhealthy belief system about myself..

Years ago when I first went for counselling it was suggested to me that someone very close to me was a borderline personality. I tried to explain that when I was around them I felt and acted crazy. The counsellor said that when you are around borderlines bits of their personality appear to jump off onto the victim. They asked me how I felt when I was away from them. I had to think for a second as I had been with them for many years and I replied “Actually I feel great, I don’t feel unhappy or crazy”.  For those of you who haven’t experienced the joys of living with a borderline and who aren’t an empath the following article gives you an idea of the kind of crazy making behaviour that one has to deal with.  Whether your with a borderline, a narcissist or a psychopath, if your an empath your likely to take on their stuff and may well not be able to separate out your own personality from theirs.

 

I recently received one of many emails I get daily from an empath who said the following”

 

“I know that I started to take on his traits during the relationship and did MANY things that were totally against the real person that I was.  He pulled me so deep into his disorder and screwed up thinking and behavior that I was not me anymore.  I guess they want US to be like THEM so that they can believe they are “okay” if we are also doing and saying the things they are.  I would be embarrassed to tell people the things I did when I was with him.  Fortunately, my close, longtime friends and coworkers (who also know my ex) all know that I was conned and manipulated and lied to the entire time.  They knew me “before” the relationship and they knew him “before” the relationship and, well, now he has no friends left from that circle of people.  He has alienated all of them.  Thank God I was a good person with integrity and credibility before him.  It served me well afterward.” 

Sadly its left up to us “crazy” victims to educate ourselves and empower ourselves because the psychopathic personality will never once question whether or not they are crazy and in the meantime until people wake up they will happily spend their time projecting their own insanity on the rest population.

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Filed under addiction, borderlines, character disturbance, claudia moscovici, dark souls, empaths, post traumatic stress, projection, psychopath

Psychopaths – The Deadliest Poison of All


I recently received an email from a woman who had read Dark Souls and said that her favourite movie was “Eat, Pray, Love”. She quoted a line from the film “Ruin is a gift.  Ruin is the road to transformation.” She explained that she felt that after her relationship with her narcissistic ex she was ruined – temporarily – but now she was being transformed into someone better and healthier than she was before.

Many victims of sociopaths go through what can only be described as a transformation or a metamorphosis, whereby they decide to let go of their old self and negative beliefs that kept them stuck in relationship with such toxic personalities in the first place.

The problem is that when we first meet psychopaths, sociopaths or narcissists they appear to be so endearing and appealing it feels a bit like having a quick fix. We convince ourselves its love because they so carefully managed to con and manipulate us but its nothing more than a deadly addiction to something more sinister.

The psychopath mirrors our own positive qualities such as empathy and kindness then by ticking all the boxes, they are charismatic, charming and manage to shape shift and mould themselves into being anything we want them to be, prince charming, knight in shining armour, fill in the blanks. When we first meet them we are filled with the chemical rush that comes with having been pumped with lots of oxytocin that give us a temporary feel good factor.

We might have been attractive ourselves when we first meet these predators, but being the true fakes that they are everything they pump into is an illusion and we start to feel drained and tired, we may start to feel ill and look poorly. We start to realise how draining they are on our energy as they slowly drain us of our lifeforce.

The short-term benefits of having what appeared to be the “real stuff” in terms of both affection and love starts to disappear and we realise very soon we are being fed a load of old tripe.

Energetically, it feels in the beginning a bit like having a regular dose of Botox, which incidentally I have never felt inclined to try, and then finding out we can’t afford to have it anymore. After a while we look and feel ten times worse than we did before we started having it.

As we start to take on their projected unowned feelings we become a shadow of our former selves.

According to the British Medical journal I’d say that being with a psychopath isn’t much different from being addicted to having Botox injections.

Side Effects of Botox

Writing in the British Medical Journal, Dr. Misra warned: “Robust evidence for the action of botulinium toxin (BOTOX) on sensory neurones is lacking.”

He added that “Animal experiments have shown that botulinium toxin affects the transmission of afferent nerves” and that the toxin “has been shown to play a part in inhibiting the release of neurotransmitters.”

He pointed to a study published in 2001 that found 23% of patients seeking Botox treatment at a dermatology clinic had body dysmorphic disorder, and that psychotherapy was considered the more appropriate treatment for them than Botox injections.

Psychopaths are Deadly Toxins

Most victims or psychopaths would have been far better to have left their partners and sought psychotherapy than carried on having their fix of what can only be described as a deadly toxin. Psychopaths should be treated with caution and much like Botox they cause a paralysis in our brain chemistry which stops it from functioning properly. Just like Botox the long-term effects of the what appears to be a “miracle” when we first meet them and the effects that they have on our brain, nervous system, and muscles are as yet unknown.  Like Botox,  Psychopaths might make us feel good in the short term, but they are dangerous to our health.

Botox may appear to be relatively safe.  However as I said  Dark Souls. “If I were to offer you a glass with the label “poison” on it, would you drink it? Well, the answer lies in the disguise. You would likely drink it if you didn’t know what was in the bottle. Both personalities are masters of illusion and they can con anyone. So when you meet a Dark Soul, what you see on the outside label, or the bottle, is NOT what is inside. It’s only when you drink it that you find out its poison.”

Many victims are left feeling shadows of their former selves whilst the psychopath and narcissist is so pumped up with all the attention they are receiving from their victims they feel the opposite. My own ex always used to try to come back when I was at my strongest then try to wear me down.

Having witnessed first hand the impact it has on the physical and emotional wellbeing of the victims some are unrecognisable when they have been with these predators for so long. I looked terrible when I was at the tail end of the relationship, I was tired ,  ill and was a complete mess. He on the other hand looked the best he had done for years although usually this only last when they have a victim to prey on.

However there is good news. When you leave a psychopath its a bit like having a natural facelift. With good therapy and a bit of work on yourself you’ll look and feel ten years younger and start to be back to your authentic self. When people email me saying they have put on weight and don’t feel attractive or happy anymore I tell them to be patient and not to be so hard on themselves. One woman I knew who was married to an alcoholic for 20 years and finally left when her house was repossessed was unrecognisable when her husband finally left. No longer the dependant enabler, she is full of life and looks amazing.

To prove a point I have added a before and after picture of what I looked like in relationship with my psychopathic ex and now nearly 18 months on away from them. I looked a complete mess!

Looking a bit of a mess

Happier, healthier and contented 18 months later

On a final note many victims say to me things looking back after the relationship like “I don’t know what I ever saw in them” “They are like a stranger” “I would have never chosen someone like that”.

Recently I found a picture of my psychopathic ex on the net and was shocked when I saw it. He was about 4 stone heavier than when we last met and his face was full of anger and rage. When I looked at his picture I just thought to myself that’s how you left me feeling and looking. A projected image of his authentic self. This wasn’t a man I fell in love with it was a total stranger, this was the man I should have had the foresight to recognise in the first place.

The man who had hidden himself so carefully, behind the mask.

Next time I have a relationship I want the real stuff.  Something that doesn’t offer a quick fix or short term benefits.  A relationship that doesn’t move so quickly that the the next thing you know your brain has become paralysed and you cannot think straight.  One fix and your hooked.

Its called a healthy relationship. It was at that point that I realised no more Botox for me. Like the bottle of poison, no matter how carefully disguised the packaging is, I was cured of my addiction to fake botox forever.

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Filed under addiction, narcissists, oxytocin, poison, projection, psychopathic personality, psyhopaths, sociopath