I have been thinking about the best way to write this very last post on psychopathy on this blog without pissing a whole lot of people off. But then when I reflected on it I thought, “You know what Sarah, you have spent much of your life not speaking up, so why not say exactly how you feel and if people don’t like what your are writing what the heck”.
Its not because I don’t really care what people of think, nor feel empathy for those who have experienced the same, and my experiences may be totally different from other peoples. However I’ll explain why I have no interest in writing more posts on Psychopaths below.
First of all my second book “The Phoenix Spirit” will be out in a couple of weeks. It talks about the things most people don’t want to talk about after the breakup and also about the whole industry as a whole. Most people talk about what psychopaths do but they never really think about the abuse they cause to others least of all the mess that targets are left to clean up with after. In my own case I will be clearing up the financial mess into my retirement. And you know what that’s OK.
Its taught me that material things aren’t really that important to me any more and when I painted the image that appears above and will also appear on the front cover of the new book. My thoughts when making it were, firstly to brighten up a very ugly place I was living in, that my son described as a “shithole” because it was such a mess because I’d been so powerless and allowed the previous tenants who were renting off me to not pay any rent and literally trash it. There was nothing nice in the place so I thought by creating a nice colourful picture it would remind of something good coming out of it. Secondly the Phoenix represents a kind of rebirth whereby all that we had, or believed in, falls to ashes.
Sometimes we are faced with a life changing event or we bump into a person who may come along, and take everything from us but in their efforts to do that they try and take our money, our heart and and souls. As this picture shows they can try their hardest to take whatever they want from us but they cannot pinch our heart and they can NEVER pinch our souls. Ultimately we can survive and come out stronger.
We are left like the mythological phoenix to transform and evolve into something different, hopefully something better, but unlike the phoenix who is immortal we only have one lifetime!
So my reasons for not ever really wanting to write more posts on Psychopaths is because I do only have one lifetime and I want to live it to the fullest.
Constantly focusing on what might have been and what I should have done differently isn’t going to help me and it doesn’t always appear to help others either.
It reminded me of a time many years ago when there was a fire in a flat I was living in. I was around 19 at the time and I came home and found that everything I had ever owned in my life was burnt down to the ground. This didn’t happen to me because of some psychopath, in fact who knows why it happened. Was it because the electrical wiring in the house was faulty? Was it because the girl I was sharing with had left her curling tongs plugged in ? Was it an act of god ? Constantly ruminating on why it happened and grieving over the loss of things I had collected over early 20 years would never help me move on and besides it taught me a valuable lesson when I bumped into the psychopath that material things can be replaced. I remember losing a whole ton of pictures and photographs and those photographs too may have disappeared but the wonderful memories still linger in my head.
So anyway I digress. My point is that as far as being a target or victim or any other word you want to use for having had the misfortune of running into a psychopath the bottom line is that we can survive the whole point of healing is that we come out of the experience wiser and stronger and are able to to move on as I did when I had a fire more than 30 years ago.
If we are unable to let go on an energetic level we become stuck, it leave us frustrated, angry and worst we internalise, blame, and become ill. I was starkly reminded today when I went to see a client who was suffering from the most chronic illnesses having spent a lifetime of not being able to let go of anything much at all in their lives that the main cause of their illness was because they unable to let go. They were so stuck in story it was impossible for them to move beyond that which of course had resulted in chronic long term ill health and pain.
With the holistic background training I have received both in acupuncture and using other dynamic therapies such as voice dialogue the thing I find frustrating with many victims of pathology and the whole pathology industry is that they are still stuck in the story. Of course its normal to feel emotional and emotions should not to be repressed because once you are able to let go of the storyline, and feel the energy of the emotion you are able to move through the emotions and not remain stuck.
When I wrote Dark Souls rather than put all the blame on the psychopath I had to ask myself back then what is it that I am showing to the world that enables someone to come into my life and treat me so badly . It was because I was treating myself so badly. When I started to treat myself nicely then vanished from my life. So today I asked myself why did I attract someone who was so stuck in their story. As much as I was happy to help them I have realised that by focusing on my own story all it has done is attract more of the very same people in my life. Wounded people who like myself who were unable to let go.
But that is the past.
There is a theory that when you let go of something, whether it be people, stories, clutter, garbage or anything else in our lives that doesn’t serve us it gives us space for something better to come along.
In my journey of healing to become whole and happy I have had to let go of many things and I can assure you that each time I did something better and wonderful came along to fill its place.
So now its time to move on, beyond the story, and let go of what’s happened in the past with Dark Souls and to focus on something totally different and to allow whatever comes along to fill that empty space.
Its quite exciting to wonder what it might be and I’ll keep you all posted on my old blog which I shall be restarting in a couple of weeks. http://sarahstrudwick.wordpress.com/
For now I plan on having a much needed break from writing and doing a healthy cleanse and detox and hope that all of the posts I have done over the last couple of years will have helped you all let go of your own stories too and move on.